Today was rough. We are being “family” to a 7 year old who has never known unconditional love, never known boundaries, never known choices, a caring home, or the freedom to express herself. She is one of the sweetest spirits I have ever known. Her heart for others, especially those who are suffering and alone, is so tender. She never misses an opportunity to serve others…whenever I get home with arms full of groceries, she is waiting on the porch to help me carry them inside and put them in their places. We had to ASK her to please not sweep the whole house before 6am. She is the sweetest big sister to E1, E2, and Sweet Pea. She shares everything without being asked. She loves Jesus more and more with each new day that she gets to know Him.
That being said, there are still moments throughout the day when she shuts down. Her head catches up with her heart and she doubts her place here. She resists my love and pretends to be unmoved by the incredible pain in her young life. Today was one of those days. We talked, we prayed, we sat next to each other and read a book to take both of our minds off of the strangeness of our never-been-a-mother/never-been-a-daughter relationship. We read and read and slowly the walls came down. She leaned in for a longer snuggle and her eyes met mine with excitement as the story developed. The Boxcar children found a home and settled in and so did she. As the chapter closed, the sky opened and I challenged her to a bath in the rain. In a flash she was back in her swim suit and outside soaking in the refreshing rain. The little girl that came back in from playing in the rain was new, ready to learn, ready to be loved again, eager to try her first cup of hot chocolate…a new family rainy day tradition.
As I stood watching her joy in the rain and the transformation that took place as joy bubbled to the surface again, this verse seemed to be a perfect explanation:
You, O God, sent a plentiful rain;
You restored and confirmed Your heritage
when it languished and was weary.
Your children found a dwelling place in it;
You, O God, in Your goodness provided for the poor and needy.
Sweet little girl, your willingness to face these hard days with grace and hope humbles me at every turn. These baby steps are so much harder for you than they are for me, yet you handle them with so much more strength. You, my girl, are amazing. I cannot wait to watch your life unfold.
I’ll make them and everything around my hill a blessing.
I’ll send down plenty of rain in season—showers of blessing!